Defusing an actual or potential situation

To calm an angry person we need to defuse the situation to make it less tense. A way to do this is to employ what are called de-escalation techniques. One model of de-escalation is called the ‘Control Trilogy’ (cited in Bibby, 1995). It has three stages: calming, reaching and controlling.

The calming stage
This involves keeping calm ourselves as well as endeavouring to calm the aggressor.

Calming self
Our ability to think can be affected by our emotional response to a situation, and in turn our emotional response can affect our behaviour. In a conflict situation emotions can run high; therefore it is important that we try to remain calm so that we can think clearly and act appropriately.

This is easier said than done when faced with an irate person, as it is a natural reaction either to want to move away and avoid the situation or to want to challenge the situation. In a clinical setting these options may not always be appropriate.

One technique we can use to calm ourselves is to breathe out slowly to a count of eleven and then to breathe in to a count of seven, repeating this for one or two minutes. Alternatively we can try tensing up our body muscles and then relaxing them. These techniques can be useful if you have the time to employ them. Remember that the angry person will also be picking up on your non-verbal behaviours.

Once confronted by the angry person, listen very carefully to what they have to say. The individual is most likely to be raising their voice in an effort to get their message across. It is our job to listen, both to the content and to the emotion of the message.

Listening carefully and not responding immediately also gives us time to compose ourselves as well as indicate to the other person that we are taking their complaint seriously. One possible reaction from the aggressor is to get more vocal or agitated or even violent if they believe that we are not listening to them or taking their complaint seriously.

There are several ways to demonstrate that you are interested and listening. Some verbal and non-verbal methods of communication that may assist you include:

• Voice – try to keep your voice calm and steady, talking slowly and clearly.
• Face – you can demonstrate that you are interested in the problem and willing to listen. Nod your head to show that you are listening.
• Eyes – establish eye contact to demonstrate your interest but avoid staring.
• Position – if possible establish yourself at the same level – try not to stand over them. Similarly it may be appropriate to stand up to demonstrate your attentiveness to their complaint.
• Posture – be aware of how you are presenting yourself. Avoid postures that might be interpreted as aggressive or defensive such as arms folded, pointing fingers or hands on hips.
• Space – angry people need more personal space so do not move too close to them – they may find this threatening or challenging.