The controlling stage

Now that the person is calm and communicating normally, the final stage involves both parties working together to resolve the problem. If it is within your ability/responsibility/authority then continue as before and do the following:

• Set targets – together agree what needs to be done, by whom and when.

• One at a time – if the issue is not simple or there is more than one issue start with the simplest – any resolution will leave both feeling as though something has been achieved.

• Be realistic – both parties need to be clear and honest about what is realistically achievable and over what timeframe.

• Admit mistakes – if a mistake has been made then admit it but if the mistake is on the part of the angry person do not blame them or belittle them – it may be a simple case of misunderstanding.

• Take your time – ensure that the person does not feel rushed.

• Do not use jargon – this may confuse the person, make them feel more anxious or make them feel that you are patronizing them.

• Get assistance – if you are not able to solve the situation or are not in a position to be able to make decisions, seek assistance from a more senior member of staff. Do not make promises that you are unable to keep.

• Recognize – that not all problems can be solved immediately. You may need to get more facts or information before a decision can be made. Ensure that this is understood and then explain how you will then proceed and how you will give feedback to the person, and in what timeframe. Once you have given a commitment it is vital that you keep it.

• Review – reconsider the event. What resolution have you reached between you, who has agreed to do what, and when are you going to get back in touch and how? Report the incident and ensure that it is well documented. It may also be necessary to complete an incident form to inform your local risk-management strategy. Check your local policy.

• Finally – it is important to remember that, in these circumstances, it is the behaviour of the individual that is being rejected – not the person – and they need to know this, as it is likely that you will need to continue to be involved in their care or that of their significant other.