My partner/child/parent does not follow his or her doctor’s advice on management of his or her diabetes.How can I help to improve things?

My partner/child/parent does not follow his or her doctor’s advice on management of his or her diabetes.How can I help to improve things?

This is a very difficult question and is one that can be extended beyond diabetes to many aspects of a loved one’s life where their behavior is apparently either endangering themselves or likely to lead to short- or long-term negative consequences. Sometimes it can be immensely frustrating for a caring parent/partner/friend or relative to experience lack of commitment to good healthcare practices on the part of someone they care about. Moreover, the knowledge that much of the burden of the consequences may fall on others can lead to anger and resentment.

There is no easy answer that can be applied universally, as everyone is different and their circumstances are unique. It is important to remember that, except in the case of a minor child, you must yield the control of the problem to the person who has it. For example, your spouse/partner owns his or her diabetes and must be empowered (except in very special circumstances) to make his or her own decisions on how to manage it. He or she is more likely to take advice if it is sought out than if it is given uninvited. They are likely to believe that they are giving as much attention to their diabetes as possible, whether or not it seems obvious to others that this is not the case. Frequent pressure to do more may engender a sense of failure and actually lead to doing less. Motivation through fear is generally not successful unless the object to be feared is immediately present. People with diabetes generally do not see or feel the consequences of the neglect of their diabetes on a day-to-day basis. When they finally do, it is too late to reverse them. For example, if you get too near the log fire in your living room, soon you realize that you do not want to get closer but should move away. There is no such warning before touching a hot iron or a burner on the stove. Thus, household cooktop and iron burns are much more common than burns from touching the blazing logs in the fireplace!

Perhaps the best that one can do is to help to ensure that our loved ones have access to high quality education about diabetes and its consequences, ensure that they are given the tools to do what is needed to take care of it, and to support them in that effort to the extent that they are willing to participate. After that, their autonomy must be respected, even though it may have some negative consequences for others. It is important to remember that you are not obliged to join your loved one in dangerous or destructive behaviors nor must you unquestioningly accept the consequences. Whether you choose to do so will depend on several factors, including your personal belief system.

Advice:
It is important to remember that you are not obliged to join your loved one in dangerous or destructive behaviors nor must you unquestioningly accept the consequences.