Stages of Dying

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1969) has beautifully described the phases of dying, which mirror those of the grieving process. As a person learns of his or her own impending death, he or she experiences grief in relation to his or her own loss.

The first stage, as Dr. Ross views this process, is that of denial. The denial may be partial or complete and may occur not only during the first stages of illness or confrontation but later on from time to time. This initial denial is usually a temporary defense and is used as a buffer until such time as the person is able to collect him or herself, mobilize his or her defenses, and face the inevitability of death.

The second stage is often anger. The person feels violent anger at having to give up life. This emotion may be directed toward persons in the environment or even projected into the environment at random. Dr. Ross discusses this reaction and the difficulty in handling it for those close to the person by explaining that we should
put ourselves in the client’s position and consider how we might feel intense anger at having our life interrupted abruptly.

The third stage is bargaining. The person attempts to strike a bargain for more time to live or more time to be without pain in return for doing something for God. Often during this stage the person turns or returns to religion.

Depression is the fourth stage. Usually, when people have completed the processes of denial, anger, and bargaining, they move into depression. Dr. Ross writes about two kinds of depression. One is preparatory depression; this is a tool for dealing with the impending loss. The second type is reactive depression. In this form of depression, the person is reacting against the impending loss of life and grieves for him or herself.

The final stage of dying is that of acceptance. This occurs when the person has worked through the previous stages and accepts his or her own inevitable death. With full acceptance of impending death comes the preparation for it; however, even with acceptance, hope is still present and needs to be supported realistically.

Many factors influence how individuals accept death. Personal values and beliefs about life; views of personal successes, both financial and emotional; the way they look physically when experiencing the dying process; their family and friends and their families’ attitudes and reactions; their past experiences in coping with difficult or traumatic situations; and, finally, the health care staff who are caring for them during this process – all affect an individual’s attitude toward dying.